Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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