sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
