Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
