The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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