I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
