K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
