Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
