A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I want a musical about memes.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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