youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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