just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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