sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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