I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
