I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
