I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
