I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
