He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
