the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
