I wish my penis had an off switch
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
