So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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