At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize