i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
