Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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