hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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