i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
