u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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