omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
