I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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