Whod you bang
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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