I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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