so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
