it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
