I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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