he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
