we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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