you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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