Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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