She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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