haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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