Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
