If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
