dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
