you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
