I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
