i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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