You're so nebulous sometimes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
