Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
