I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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