Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
