i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
