Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
