I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
