i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
