So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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