I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
