My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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