My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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