I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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