Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
