I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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