How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
