headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
