Where did you get a picture of my penis
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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