I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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