The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Your dad touched me again.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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