I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
