Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize